Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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