guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
