I must be too annoying 4 u.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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