he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
