that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
