I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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