Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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