Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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