ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
