It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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