When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
