I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
A bitchslap is in order.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
