YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
