guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
