no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
