Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
