Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
