Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
