i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
