I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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