I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
