I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
