as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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