The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
