Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
