Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
