To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
