i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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