i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
