so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
