I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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