Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
