hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
