I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
