i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
