don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
