I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
What did we do last night that was yellow?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
