Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
