I want to walk on stilts...naked
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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