I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
