Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
