Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
