We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
