I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
