Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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