So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
