It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
