Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
