i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
