well you can't waste a boner
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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