Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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