Screwed.edu
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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