we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
