I wish you could order shots online.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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