walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
