wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
