The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Randomize
