3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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