we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
