Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
