im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it was like eating out sand paper
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am available for nakedness
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize