just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
