What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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