i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
