Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
