Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
