You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
